Thanks for visiting our little label website store. Here are some sarcastic answers to questions you might regrettably someday think of asking:
As a general rule, there are no returns. If there was an error on my side and you wish to exchange something it is a non-issue. If you failed to provide correct address information or something else on your end, either the shipping will fall on you end, or we can sort out some other arrangement. As a rule, unless there is an error at the plant or I have sent you the wrong thing, we can't be responsible for something getting smashed en route. It has already cost me more than I want to think about.
-How long will my order take to get to my crappy town?
If you live in the US, Canada, or Mexico, your order should get there within a week or 9 days-ish. Typically all domestic orders are sent out within 2 days of receipt, and international orders are sent out on a weekly basis to maintain my tattered sanity. If you order internationally, consider that it must pass through the postal service of 2 different countries plus probably 6,000 miles of travel, meaning it will not get there tomorrow or even likely within 2 weeks, so calm down, and I may be on tour, but shit is usually handled.
-Where is my order? I ordered ITEM X 35 minutes ago and it is not yet here/why do i have to pay shipping?
Keep in mind a number one problem of shipping via paypal is that a lot of times people have old addresses or improper addresses in their profiles. Please check to make sure this is correct, and at times we do email if there is a problem of stock, so keep an eye on that email, even though i know you have almost all changed over to the evil black hole called myspace/facebook. Shipping to international places is increasingly expensive, we are trying our best to make it as accurate as possible to the current rates, and make changes accordingly, balancing on the cusp of being pricks and complete debt.
If you have received the wrong size shirt of some sort and it is our fault, we can send you another if you send it back to us. If you received a broken LP (see fig. 1 below), then we will replace it even though it is probably the fault of some asshole at the Post Office. If for some reason you just think our records suck and don't want the record anymore, i can fax, email, or snail mail you a nice 18" x 24" print out of my middle finger.
-Who the hell runs this thing?
See the "About" section of the Vitriol Records main webpage for more info, but this is run by a collective of people made up from the bands on the label, spread between Graf Orlock, Ghostlimb, and Dangers coupled with comrades of similar activity. Although attempted to run in an egalitarian way, I keep having to tell people what to do, so don't piss me off, i am a ticking timebomb.
-Who do i contact with my order/life/adolescent problems?
Check out the contact, but best bet would be to send firstname.lastname@example.org an email.
-Can you put out my vegan straightedge/black metal/indie/new wave band's CD-R?
I can't see why you would want this, but if that is the case you have already lost the battle. Just because we made the poor decision of putting out our friends' miserably crappy records doesn't mean i want to have to slit my wrists with your non-desirable vinyl/computer burned CD a la "Swing Kids".
-What is wrong with you/this label?
The world is basically one big orchestra of assholes, playing in concert. We sometimes play in said concerts. Adieu sweet princes/princesses.
Fig. 1: Your order, probably.